ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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