there was a trapeze. enough said
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
