its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
