I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
