Do you still have your period?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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