if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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