Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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