so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
