the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
