We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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