I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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