I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
