Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
