i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
