You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
