halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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