I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As shirtless as possible
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
