I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
