with your own penis?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
