Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Mom said you looked used
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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