I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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