Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
