Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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