My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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