dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
