cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
