The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
