it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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