Soap is not a condiment
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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