I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
