I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
