Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
