Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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