Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
