The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
