the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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