You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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