cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As shirtless as possible
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
