So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
