Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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