I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
