Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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