bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
