I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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