I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
