I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
