he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
