he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
