I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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