I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
