listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
