Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
