Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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