Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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