i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
