I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
