I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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