My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
