i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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