just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
