..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
