My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We need to get me chipped asap
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
