We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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